One of the more uncomfortable discoveries when you move into management is that knowing what needs to be done doesn’t necessarily make it easy to do it.
Someone on your team isn’t performing.
Their behaviour is affecting other people.
They’ve made the same mistake several times.
Or perhaps you simply need to tell someone something you know they won’t want to hear.
You know the conversation needs to happen.
But somehow, today never seems quite the right day.
You tell yourself you’ll wait until you have more information. Or until things settle down. Or until you’re clearer about exactly what to say.
Sometimes those are perfectly sensible reasons.
Sometimes they’re not.
Avoidance can be surprisingly rewarding
Difficult conversations involve uncertainty.
How will the other person react?
Will they become angry?
Will you damage the relationship?
What if you’ve judged the situation incorrectly?
Anticipating social conflict can create a genuine stress response. Postponing the conversation then removes some of that discomfort.
And that relief can make postponing it again next time even more tempting.
So what looks like procrastination may actually be an attempt to avoid an uncomfortable emotional experience.
The trouble is that while the conversation has been postponed, the problem usually hasn’t.
Before you rehearse every possible sentence…
Try separating what you know from what you’re imagining.
Ask yourself:
What has actually happened?
What am I assuming might happen if I raise it?
What outcome am I genuinely trying to achieve?
What does this person need to understand when the conversation is over?
Those questions won’t give you a script.
They’re not supposed to.
They can help you move from trying to control every possible reaction to becoming clearer about the conversation you actually need to have.
And sometimes that is enough to get you started.
But sometimes something deeper is getting in the way.
You may know perfectly well what you should say and still find yourself unable to say it.
That’s an important distinction.
Because sometimes the problem isn’t knowing what to do.
It’s discovering what is stopping you from doing what you already know.
Which do you find harder — starting a difficult conversation, or knowing what to say once you’ve started it?
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