You Know You Need to Have the Conversation. So Why Do You Keep Putting It Off?

You Know You Need to Have the Conversation. So Why Do You Keep Putting It Off?

One of the more uncomfortable discoveries when you move into management is that knowing what needs to be done doesn’t necessarily make it easy to do it.

Someone on your team isn’t performing.

Their behaviour is affecting other people.

They’ve made the same mistake several times.

Or perhaps you simply need to tell someone something you know they won’t want to hear.

You know the conversation needs to happen.

But somehow, today never seems quite the right day.

You tell yourself you’ll wait until you have more information. Or until things settle down. Or until you’re clearer about exactly what to say.

Sometimes those are perfectly sensible reasons.

Sometimes they’re not.

Avoidance can be surprisingly rewarding

Difficult conversations involve uncertainty.

How will the other person react?

Will they become angry?

Will you damage the relationship?

What if you’ve judged the situation incorrectly?

Anticipating social conflict can create a genuine stress response. Postponing the conversation then removes some of that discomfort.

And that relief can make postponing it again next time even more tempting.

So what looks like procrastination may actually be an attempt to avoid an uncomfortable emotional experience.

The trouble is that while the conversation has been postponed, the problem usually hasn’t.

Before you rehearse every possible sentence…

Try separating what you know from what you’re imagining.

Ask yourself:

What has actually happened?

What am I assuming might happen if I raise it?

What outcome am I genuinely trying to achieve?

What does this person need to understand when the conversation is over?

Those questions won’t give you a script.

They’re not supposed to.

They can help you move from trying to control every possible reaction to becoming clearer about the conversation you actually need to have.

And sometimes that is enough to get you started.

But sometimes something deeper is getting in the way.

You may know perfectly well what you should say and still find yourself unable to say it.

That’s an important distinction.

Because sometimes the problem isn’t knowing what to do.

It’s discovering what is stopping you from doing what you already know.

Which do you find harder — starting a difficult conversation, or knowing what to say once you’ve started it?

#EngineeringLeadership #TechnicalLeadership #PeopleLeadership #Engineering

Facebook
Twitter
LinkedIn

Check out these products...

Find more of my self-help products in my Shop. Click HERE

Is chronic stress doing this to YOUR brain - Part 2?

Is chronic stress doing this to your brain – Part 2?

Chronic stress isn’t just a one-off villain; it can set the stage for long-term issues like depression, a condition so debilitating it’s one of the leading causes of disability around the globe. If you’ve been depressed once, you’re also at a higher risk of falling back into it, especially when stress re-enters the picture.

Read More »
The unseen battle: understanding your ‘Inner Struggles’

The unseen battle: understanding your ‘Inner Struggles’

You’re not alone if you’ve ever felt like you’re at war with yourself. Maybe you’re constantly stressed about work, grappling with self-doubt, or frozen by indecisiveness. These internal conflicts, or what we often call “inner struggles,” can feel like an uphill battle that never seems to end. Let’s break down what these struggles usually mean and how you can begin to manage them for a more balanced life.

Read More »

Please note that, at times,  I provide links to free and paid products that you might find useful as you strive for greater success in your work or business life. 

I also recommend resources by others that you might find of value. It is important to mention that I only recommend products that I have had satisfactory, or better, personal experience with or, otherwise have good reason to recommend them.

Please note that some of these links are affiliate links, in which case I might receive some form of remuneration if you purchase the product using my link. While this will not add to your cost, any payments received in this way will assist in keeping this site running to help people such as yourself.

Scroll to Top

We use cookies to ensure that we give you the best experience on our website. If you continue to use this site we will assume that you understand and accept this along with our terms and conditions, shown here.

download your free ebook .....

10 Top Tips for Success

Fill in your details and download it now