One of the things I’ve found interesting over the years is how people who are extremely capable of making complex decisions at work can sometimes struggle enormously with decisions in their personal lives.
I’ve spent a good deal of my working life solving problems, firstly as a structural engineer and later as a coach. And one of the things I’ve come to appreciate is that not all problems can be solved in the same way.
In engineering, if you don’t have enough information to make a sound decision, the sensible thing is to get more information.
But what happens when you’ve already got all the information you reasonably need, and you still can’t make up your mind?
You go over the options again. You reconsider the advantages and disadvantages. Perhaps you ask someone else’s opinion.
And then you do it all over again.
I’ve noticed that sometimes, when people become caught up in this sort of thinking, the difficulty isn’t really a lack of information at all.
It’s something about the decision itself that’s making them uncomfortable.
Perhaps they’re afraid of making a mistake. Perhaps they’re concerned about what other people might think. Or maybe they feel that making the wrong choice would somehow reflect badly on them.
And so they keep thinking, hoping that eventually they’ll reach a point where they feel completely certain.
Unfortunately, that certainty may never come.
Of course, sometimes more information really is needed. I would never suggest that people should simply ignore genuine risks or make important decisions without thinking them through.
But there’s a difference between thinking something through and going around in circles.
So, if you find yourself repeatedly reconsidering a decision, here’s something you might like to try.
Instead of asking yourself, “What should I do?”, ask:
“What am I hoping another round of thinking will give me?”
And perhaps more importantly:
“What concerns me most about making this decision?”
You might be surprised by what comes to mind.
Sometimes, simply becoming curious about what’s actually troubling you can reveal something that all your previous thinking has overlooked.
And that may be a much more useful place to start than going over the options yet again.
#FeelingStuck #SelfDoubt #ProfessionalDevelopment #MindsetCoaching
